| Author | Message | ||
| Charles Levenstein
Member Username: chucklev Post Number: 95 Registered: 12-2001 |
Moon Scape The night is replete with angles and crevasses, skin soft as moon, a coating of down covers evening breezes. You think the scent of lavender and lemon can change things, but desiccated earth accepts olives and dates with no thanks offered. There is no one to tend the orchards, no one to shoo away the goats. The night is Sicily: one too many conqueror has tilled her, she is dark as North Africa, pallid as the wandering crusaders. The moon, through no fault of her own, is cold. | ||
| Christopher T George
Senior Member Username: chrisgeorge Post Number: 3240 Registered: 12-2004 |
Hi Chuck Very nicely done. I like the ominous undertone of a dark and bloody history. Not quite sure of "The night is Sicily" which sounds a bit odd and all encompassing -- maybe instead "The night is Sicilian" might read better? Also think you need a plural for "conquerors": one / too many conquerors has tilled her Chuck, I very much like the attractive and sensuous details, particularly the very nice lines-- You think the scent of lavender and lemon can change things, but desiccated earth accepts olives and dates with no thanks offered. Excellent work, Chuck. Chris Editor, Desert Moon Review http://www.desertmoonreview.com/ Co-Editor, Loch Raven Review http://www.lochravenreview.com/ http://chrisgeorge.netpublish.net/ | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Intermediate Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 967 Registered: 08-2005 |
Very, very lovely poem. Sadly beautiful; beautifully sad. Has many emotions in it for me. I really enjoyed. | ||
| Zephyr
Senior Member Username: zephyr Post Number: 3225 Registered: 07-2003 |
Good suggestions from Chris, I caught that too, that said a beautiful read.  | ||
| Deborah P Kolodji
Valued Member Username: dkolodji Post Number: 114 Registered: 04-2005 |
I've always been crazy about the moon, so needless to say, I enjoyed this one. Deborah P Kolodji http://www.livejournal.com/~dkolodji http://www.kolodji.com Editor, Amaze: The Cinquain Journal http://www.amaze-cinquain.com | ||
| Charles Levenstein
Valued Member Username: chucklev Post Number: 102 Registered: 12-2001 |
Thank you for all your comments! I think you're right, Chris, about Sicily-Sicilian. I'm not so sure about pluralizing conqueror -- I think it serves as a collective noun and the confusion of "s's" becomes a mess. Something about that cold wet autumn brings out the moon in me -- Chuck http://chucklev.blogspot.com http://hartfordgazette.blogspot.com | ||
| Kathy Paupore
Senior Member Username: kathy Post Number: 2714 Registered: 12-2003 |
Charles, enjoyed. S1 is so smooth, and that poor cold moon. K | ||
| Cary
Intermediate Member Username: ponderlust Post Number: 433 Registered: 07-2005 |
Charles... While I might mildly disagree with coldly tempermenting the moon (I see it having a indifferent disposition; like the owl who who watches a cougar take down a deer) , I'm still quite impressed by this very convincing write. Furthermore, the earth's acceptance of olives and dates (sybolic gestures of peace and love?) without thanks seems also to ally with my belief of natural indifference. But enough imposing of my trivial perspective since that scarcely discounts my enjoyment for this poem. I truly enjoyed the comparison of night to Sicily and its one too many conqeuror. Also, the comparison to N. Africa is uniquely apt since it brings to mind something harsh yet lush. Anyway, what I enjoy most about poetry is being suprised in the reaping of new and bold perspectives. That has definitely happened here. Cary... (Message edited by ponderlust on November 24, 2005) | ||
| Teresa White
Valued Member Username: teresa_white Post Number: 299 Registered: 01-2005 |
Charles, Greatly enjoyed all of this --quite original with good sonics throughout. I especially like your closing line: "The moon, through no fault of her own, is cold." Simplicity coupled with great meaning. Thanks for posting! Teresa | ||
| marty
Advanced Member Username: marty Post Number: 729 Registered: 10-2003 |
A very engaging read, made me feel sad you had to end it when you did. Thanks for the read! Cheers BRethren | ||
| Charles Levenstein
Valued Member Username: chucklev Post Number: 103 Registered: 12-2001 |
Just back from Thanksgiving expedition to Ann Arbor. Remind me not to travel on holidays! Anyway, thank you for all your comments. I am trying to imagine a warmer moon -- but it's not in my metaphor box! Chuck | ||
| Lisa
Advanced Member Username: lisa_m Post Number: 197 Registered: 11-2003 |
Hi Chuck, stunning writing! Particularly liked the 'night is Sicily', 'dark Africa', and your reference to 'olives and dates' and an indifferent 'desiccated earth'. Actually l loved it all because l've just found some more things to like about it. Lisa | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 3469 Registered: 07-2002 |
Chuck, Though you don't use any references to modern politics, this reconated with world events for me. That line: "There is no one to tend the orchards. . ." Wow. Hope you had a happy turkey-day. best, ljc http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com/ | ||
| Emusing
Moderator Username: emusing Post Number: 2205 Registered: 08-2003 |
Charles congrats on your HM for this work. I can surely understand why it was chosen. Love the cold moon ending. I'm still in Ann Arbor. How funny! Lots of snow hmm???? E |
